Holy Sweet Jesus what Next?

I haven’t written here for a while. I need to get going on the most exciting part of my novel, or novella, not sure what it is going to be. So much work goes into writing and so little profit, but then why do I write? I write because that is what I do. If I am not painting, sculpting, creating something and trying to fit in the necessary things in life, I am not living. Writing is an escape for me. Life is really hard right now. Not that it isn’t usually hard anyway. But this has gone beyond ridiculously unacceptable. ‘

How many more people have to die of covid? How many more people have to get it? We are living in panic mode. I can’t even remember how many people we know personally, letting alone, people that we know who have people that they love who have or had covid and have either recovered or have long term effects from it. Then there are those who have died from it. Today was the first time that I had the guts to listen to a message on my phone from Uncle Dean. Yes, he died of covid. Yes, he was 102, but he was doing well, until he got covid. He and his roommate both died of covid. One of the awful things about covid, is you don’t know who will survive from it and who will die. I have two elderly friends in their 90’s who had it and survived. The one is not doing well and may not make it because of the lingering effects, but then there are young people who are getting it and dying from it. Remember to pray for those who are in the helping fields, doctors, nurses, first responders, police officers, fire fighters, EMTs, and teachers, don’t forget volunteers and essential workers in thankless jobs like grocery store workers and drivers.

The most depressing day in the year for me is New Year’s day, night. I always have this sense of foreboding, and morbid depression. I can’t explain it. I guess I finally figured out why on one level. I know it sounds dark, and very negative, but what comes to my mind, is “Who are we going to lose this year? What is going to happen that we don’t know now, that is going to be bad?” I rarely think of “What good is going to happen this year that we don’t know now?”

This year has went way beyond my expectations of bad things. Just when I had myself convinced that I was just negative, well, you know what this year has brought. It started out with the death of a good friend, totally unexpected, and then another good friend, totally unexpected. Just as soon as I slightly got my bearings over those two, we have been reeling from one thing after another. So I am going to try to focus on the positive things for a moment, because it is obvious that I am not feeling very positive.

We have a precious five-month-old grandson that we never thought we would have. He is the only grandchild that Mike and I have together. He is the light of our lives. We also get to take care of him and spend time with him, and watch him grow. We also have another little great-grandson born just a about a month after our little Parker.

Right now we are quarantined, hopefully not for long. He and our son and daughter-in-law and some other family members are in our “bubble” but for now his Mama is waiting on covid test results, and she wants to protect her Mama and me, which is good but hard because we miss our little Peanut.

I try not to worry about all those who are suffering, hungry, homeless, or afraid of losing their homes. I pray. We pray, and help in ways that we can. We have zoom. So we can still participate in church when we can’t attend, physically. We can zoom meetings, friends, family and if we have to we can have groceries delivered to us. So far we are in relatively good health. Most people are taking precautions so we can still get the necessary things done, like doctors appointments. We so far have been able to continue doing water aerobics, which we need for health reasons. We have close relationships with many family members and friends. I will miss our writer’s group, which is one of my favorite things in my life. I love those friends. I love all my friends. They inspire me and give me hope.

I notice people are already preparing for Christmas, I am suspicious that they are trying to get this year over with. Maybe next year will be better. I do know that I have to stay in a “one day at a time” frame of mind, or I would go crazier. Yeah, I said crazier, not just crazy. Well that is all for now folks. Please reach out to each other. Share your fears, pain, sadness, grief and love, joy, and hope. Look forward to at least one thing that you enjoy doing each day, and do it. Whether it is reading a book, writing, art, playing cards, do it. Love to you all.